PRE-PRODUCTION: Feedback to Script Draft 1

As well as producer, I am Alex's script editor for the Pre-Production unit. I need to give feedback to each of Alex's scripts, to ensure he sticks to the idea and tone of the show and doesn't go off track. I also need to check that everything he writes can be done practically, by thinking through the logistics of it. 

Below is script draft 1:

My feedback:

Page 5 - The logo on the van needs completing - we can do this as a group, whoever has the best idea we'll go with

Page 5 - 9 - Conversation between Tim, Luke and Pete might seem like it goes on for a bit too long

Page 9 - In terms of risk assessment, where are we going to drive the van when it's driving on the road? It can't be on a real road as we pull over to the side and bump over an object (the dog), this will be too much to do on a main road as we may be in the way of other drivers. Possibly an empty car park, but we'll probably see it's in a car park on the camera

Page 10 - I’m guessing well see them actually go over something when they hit the dog / “the van shakes…”, are we going to actually drive over an object? If so, what have you got in mind?

Page 10 - When Tim picks up the dead dog, how are we going to do this as we'll probably see the dog on camera

Page 11 - We’ll need to practise the blood spatter again as it didn't go as well as it could have in the previous project

Page 14 - Sheila “the best cat….so lovely with around my grandchildren” doesn’t make sense

Page 17 - Graham treats the bird instead of Tim at the end of the script, should we still have Tim try to treat something as it’s about him as a vet, rather than flying owls?

Many of my feedback points are thinking about the practical point of view rather than scripting issues. The only point I would give to Alex about scripting is that it isn't very punchy. Some scenes drag out a bit too long, such as Page 5-9 with the conversation with Tim, Luke and Pete.

It possibly goes off topic when Tim goes to the Owl Academy and ends up flying an owl rather than treating one as we're meant to be watching him treating animals with disastrous consequences. However, we want the owl punch involved and unless the owl was flying towards him, I'm unsure on how we would bring it up in the story. 

Nevertheless, I think it is funny and dark (giving the dead dog to Sheila and punching the owl when he gets scared), the comedy is subtle too which is what we wanted, it's not a laugh-out-loud comedy and I think he's achieved this within the writing.