PRE-PRODUCTION: Feedback to Script Draft 4

Below is script draft 4:

Script 4 [DIRECT LINK]



Script draft 4 feedback:

Page 2 - The diploma is back. This was first introduced in script draft 1 and was shortly removed. I am glad it's back into the story as it gives an insight into the desperation of Tim because he's gone to the extent of creating a fake diploma. I think Tess's comment about taking the kids to Legoland bounces well off this.

Page 3 - when Tess mentions their dad but only says "even after what happened to dad" and Tim pauses, the audience don't know what's actually happened to the dad. This will build an interest into the father and what happened to him but this is never actually answered in the script.

Scene 2 - The conversation between Tim and Luke is shorter which is good. There is little dialogue and the humour comes across in the body language and facial expressions when Tim sees the van. It's finished nicely by Tim making a comment about the slogan as they drive away.

Scene 2 - The fact that the van doesn't start well shows the audience that the van is dodgy and something bad is about to happen which I think adds to the comedic element of the film.

Scenes 12 & 13 - Not sure as to why Tess isn't inside the pub but then is standing with Tim and Luke outside the pub. The audience may wonder how she's got there. Maybe the scene doesn't need Tess but it would be nice to see her in more than one scene.

Scene 13 - I think the scene drags on a little bit, maybe the less dialogue the better for this scene as the bloody nose and black eye speaks for itself.

Throughout each script draft so far Alex has detailed enough about the story for me to work with. He clearly includes each prop and costume which has helped me choose the most suitable creative aspects to make our film the best it can be. Again, the script draft has improved from the previous one. This is proved by the smaller amount of feedback from the last feedback session.