STORYTELLING - Script Feedback with Steve Coombes & Rewrite

My feedback session with Steve was really helpful as I have never written a script before and I didn't think mine was very good. Steve suggested another route to take my story down and it was a lot better than what I had written as mine was a bit confusing and I just kept jumping to different ideas and plots.
Steve said that I should keep the audience interested by making them think my killer is going to get caught- and then he doesn't and then making them think he's got away with it- and then my detective catches on.

He thought up another story line which was better than mine so I used and developed it. This new story line was to have my killer use a pair of tights as his weapon and with these tights he tries to frame the detective by hiding them in a bin outside the police station. The killer tips off the detective in where the tights are and then the detective gets into his house and tries to frame the killer by putting them in his drawer - however, the viewer doesn't know this part, we find it out later in the story when the detective is caught on the killers house CCTV footage. This was a much more interesting and understandable story line but it was a big rewrite. 

Steve also told me that I was 'telling' too much rather then 'showing' it. So throughout the rest of the script I tried my best to change bits of dialogue explaining something to the camera showing it.

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REWRITE

I rewrote the scrip the day after my feedback session. I found the rewrite not as bad as what I thought it would be as I knew it was a lot to change. Knowing that I was changing my story to something more interesting and understandable made it an easier process. 

I kept the first two minutes roughly the same apart from changing bits that were 'showing' to 'telling' them. I started changing the story from when the detectives take Joseph in for questioning as thats where he tips them off about the tights. I did still struggle to make the story last the 10 pages as I feel like I started writing about the ending too quickly, therefore, I had to go back and add bits in the middle.

In the first draft I had basically a whole page describing things, in the rewrite I took all this out and now script looks like a proper script and not a book.